Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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