Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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