I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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