Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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