Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
