What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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