i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
