The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
