wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize