As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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