So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
