I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
