I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
