just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
