can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
