You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
