I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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