My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
