sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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