What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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