So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
