I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
COCAINE IS GR8
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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