Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize