Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
