help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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