He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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