I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
