i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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