I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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