why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
