Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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