i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
