You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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