When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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