So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
