Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
