i was born a porn star she said
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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