I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
