I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
