Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
