Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
