Is it because I queefed?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize