dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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