Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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