My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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