She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
