I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
