I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
