just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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