Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
