I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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