Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
