i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i dont even know how to be here
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
