what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
