this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
