You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
