do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
