there was a trapeze. enough said
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
