Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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