I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
