It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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