Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
