I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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