I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
