I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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