About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
