I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
