Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
