I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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