i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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