apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
