Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize