it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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