I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
