My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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