I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
