Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
