i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
