he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
