Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
