I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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