just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
