I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
