I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
