look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
