No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
