You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
