I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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