Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
