It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
