so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
