I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
