my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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