If that was your dad, he is hot
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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