this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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