i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
