Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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