Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
