my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
