I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
